The Value of True Friendship

This is a funny old world in terms of friendships, relationships and how we interact with people. I have found over time that my outlook on life, and how I value my friendships has changed so remarkably in the last few years, maybe as a result of doing a bit of growing up myself.

Traditionally I have always been terrified that allowing myself to ‘grow up’ or become more mature would make me boring. I guess in my limited view on the world, once you got to thirty or something, you automatically became old fashioned, boring or too sophisticated to have fun.

Well I’m thirty nine now, so been in my thirties for quite a while, and I’ve come to realise that being thirty does not make me any less weird or crazy than I really ever was. The biggest change is that my body can’t keep up with what my mind wants to do, and as a result I am frequently at an internal battle to get more out of myself.

Another thing that I have come to realise is that once you get over that hurdle of accepting that age is not the be all and end all of life, you actually begin to realise that older people are indeed a lot more fun than I’d ever given them credit for. Yes they have so much more life experience and are more willing to er on the side of caution, but this is not because of boredom  it is more to do with them wanting to help us avoid pain or hurt in the long run, or simply avoid it for themselves.

We don’t give the older generation the consideration or credit they deserve sometimes, and I have been massively guilty of this in my time. It is sad to think that it has taken all this time for me to realise this. I have written a couple of times on my blog about age and how the golden glow of youth is so treasured and sort after, and I think that much of the world chases after that image of perfection and eternal youth. I know that personally I never really wanted to grow up. Foolishly, I always wanted to consider myself young at heart, and I figured that this meant being young in life, but sadly I have grown up, and aged and gotten older and wiser. I now realise that I can remain young at heart without having to associate with the young, and still be able to enjoy myself without the fixation on youth.

As a matter of fact, I am beginning to learn that without the fickleness of the young, relationships, friendships and communication is a whole lot simpler, more sustainable, and has a loyalty and stability that I am wholly unaccustomed too. Friendships up to date have existed around a bristle of selfishness, uncertainty and an egotistical climb to the top of the ladder. Don’t get me wrong, friendship is friendship, and I have wonderful memories, and some amazing mates, but I do believe that while most friendships have a certain degree of selflessness, and an awful lot of selfishness, there comes a time in your life when this balance swings in the opposite direction, and you begin to realise just how important and precious friendship really is.

We all use these words; “I love my friends, I couldn’t live without them!” Yup, even I have been one to say something similar. “You can never have enough friends!” The cliché statements about friendship are endless, and while there is some truth in the words, the majority of it is a hollow expression of what we want the world to believe we mean, but fail to act out. As I reflect on friendships I’ve had in the past, I can’t help but face the fact that I’ve been guilty of failing to be a true friend. I’ve always had a selfish streak, expecting people to stay in touch with me, always chasing the next big fix, forgetting about the people that maybe need a quiet word, or a simple hello. The worst thing is realising that there were people who were that kind of friend to me, and have fallen by the wayside as I surged onwards on my selfish quest for self fulfilment or something I never really found.

Oh how the benefit of hindsight is a curse. Hindsight is a wonderful teacher, and if we heed the lesson, and we can change. Yes I have waisted some cherished friendships. People who have moved on, yet at one time or another were right there at my side, and while I may never get that back again, I can learn to shift the balance towards being a true friend myself. As you grow up in life, you begin to understand that the world does not revolve around you. There are those that are delusional enough to believe this still, and for them I feel sorry, but for the vast majority of us, at some stage in our lives, we wake up to the fact that we need to give more than we receive to survive. This is the balance of true friendship.

For some, they will learn this lesson very quickly. Others, like myself, will take a while to get it. Whatever the time line, we all come to the realisation one day that we are not islands in the world. I see those that think they can survive on their own terms, and revel in their selfishness, and while I do not despise them, I only see myself in them, and realise that at some stage in the future, they will come to the hard realisation that their point of view, selfishness, and deluded understanding of true friendship is skewed.

So while in my past I have been foolish, I have come to learn that friendship can be very satisfying with people from every walk in life. I have met and continue to meet amazing people in my life and slowly I am learning so much about life, myself, and the world around me. The people I am lucky enough to consider my friends are teaching me that sharing is a wonderful thing, that life has many facets, and that learning to accept who I am and what I am to the people that see me, is all part of being alive. There is true value in a strong relationship, and not every friendship is based on some form of attraction. There are many assets in the people around us, and each has their own special gem, a quality that makes them stand out from the crowd. It is taking time to see beyond what I need from a relationship that has allowed me to realise that I have so much to give. I can be a good friend, I can share, I can make a difference with a simple hello, or a kind word spoken on a bad day. To those that have taken the time to befriend me and show, teach and encourage me, thank you. You will never truly know the full impact you have had on my life, and continue to have every day.

Thought for today – “Trust is like a mirror. You can fix it if it is broken, but you will always see the crack in its reflection.” – Lady Gaga

Song for today – Here In Your Arms by Hellogoodbye  

What defines Love?

There is one thing in each of our lives that affects us in some fashion regardless of how we might try to avoid it, fail to understand it, or seek to find it.

It can be illusive, it can be mystifying, it can be frustrating, it can creep up on you unexpected. It amazes us, it brings us great happiness and unbearable heart ache. This wonderful, powerful, thing is not a person, it’s not physical, it’s certainly not something you’ll see or meet, yet it lives in each of us, can be very physically expressed, and you see it on peoples faces every day and meet it every time you find two people in love.

Love. Only four letters. Such a simple word, but one of the most complex emotions know to man. It is something we all crave, something we need, a feeling we require almost as much as we need food or water to live.

Yet as much as we need it, it is not something common to find. It is something we mistake too easily, a feeling we share too freely, an emotion we abuse, take for granted and lose far too much. It’s something that when we have it we are blissfully happily, and when we find ourselves without it experience feelings of loneliness that makes life quite unbearable.

What is it about love that makes it such a domineering emotion for mankind? Why do we need it so?

I think if we were all to list our personal reason for its importance in our lives, it would be interesting to see the different levels that love impacts our lives on every level. I also think that we’d do well to see the variety of reasons that we present for its importance as part of the reason for its complexity. You see, everyone views love through different eyes. We all have different expectations, our needs, insecurities, dependencies, curios traits, funny habits and a whole list of other factors of each persons personality that makes love one of the biggest things of our lives.

Some would say that you only have one shot at true love. Others would argue that you can find love anywhere if you look hard enough. I believe that a lot of people hide behind the word for a variety of selfish reasons. Some will tell you that real love arrives when you find your soul mate, and yet more would try convince you that love is all about learning to love.

But what is it about love? I mean come on…. What is all the fuss about?

The truth? We are not designed to survive without it. A human man, a woman, a child…. We cannot survive without love.

As a child we learn love through the expression of those around us. Mainly from our parents, but in some cases from others that show us time, care about us, and makes us feel warm, safe and special. We learn to feel comfortable in love. It brings us happiness, acceptance, safety, companionship and possibly most importantly gives us a sense of identity. Knowing someone cares that much for us kindles a fire within us. It’s these feelings that drive us. We all want to feel them at every level of our lives, especially from our peers, from our friends, from the people we like, the people we choose to spend time with. Without these feelings where would we be?

Love can be expressed in many ways, but which ever way we receive it, there is something about it that is special for each one of us, and these are the feelings we crave the most. So next time your thinking about love, just stop and ask yourself what it is that makes love special for you. I think you’ll find it’s not an easy question to answer, but taking a moment to try understand it gives us a completely new appreciation for it.

Thought for today – “You can close your eyes to the things you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to the things you don’t want to feel.” – Johnny Depp

Song for today – Caribbean Blue by Enya

LOL or ROFL That’s My Mom

We have always been rather blessed as a family, as comedy for our entertainment through the years has kind of always been provided by my mother. Mom is a wonderful woman, but takes fright really easily and is so gullible bless her. I have some pure classic memories through the years of funny instances and events that provided much mirth for me as a kid and us as a family.

It is always good to get around the table and recount these memories or tease mom over the various mishaps through the years. From bringing a rather posh restaurant to a standstill on Christmas day, to having a coffee shop evacuated in error, or learning to skateboard on a parcel trolley, unintentionally I might add, mom has always managed to make me crack up.

This week was a perfect example. To give everyone some background, my mom has Alzheimers, and I am a full time carer now for her, luckily having been given permission to work from home. Now while this is over all a hugely difficult thing to face, it does produce some moments that can only be describes as hilarious.

On Monday afternoon, while I was busy working in my room, mom occupied herself in her room with some chore or other, and everything seemed fine. At some stage I became aware that mom had been in the bathroom for a fair amount of time. It is like a sub concious thing I have kind of developed to listen for tell tail signs of distress or emergency, even when I am busy.

So, I noticed that she’d been in the bathroom a fair while, and so decided to just give a close listen and make sure she was ok. I could smell her shampoo (it has a really strong scent) and realised she was washing her hair, so panic over. However, a half hour later, she was still washing her hair. I wondered what was up, but again, I have learnt to be patient and allow her to do what she needs to do as long as she is in no danger.

When I eventually heard the door open, I called out to check she was ok, and heard her gawf as she wondered through to her bedroom. I waited for her to change, and could hear her giggling in her room, and by now my curiosity was raised to high levels.

Eventually she came through to my office, and while still drying her hair, informed me she’d had a disaster. I turned to look at her, and asked what had happened. She explained that she’d found some stuff in her cupboard for her hair, and had decided to try it out on a little bit of her hair to see if it still suited her. Well, apparently she’d got more than she anticipated on the one side of her hair, and it was a disastrous colour, (I assume from its age or something). Too shy to tell me, she’d rushed to wash it out, but it took 16 washes to get the stuff out.

Well by now I was giggling myself, just from the state my mother was in while trying to explain this all too me. I got up and followed her through to her room to dry her hair for her, and as we got there I asked what she had done with the ‘stuff’ she’d put in her hair.

“Oh I threw the bloody stuff out,” she told me. “I don’t want to be doing that again.” (please bear in mind my mom’s memory, she’d probably forget she’d tried this in a few weeks, and if it was still lying around might try it again. I am blessed in that my mom is still aware of her mental problems and manages them quite well when she can).

“Oh”, I said. “What was it doing still lying around?” My mom stopped dying her hair a number of years ago now.

“I don’t know, I just wondered what it would look like, so wanted to try a little, but that didn’t work,” she giggled.

“What colour was it?” I enquired.

“Hang on, I’ll go get it,” she replied wondering off as I readied the hair dryer.

When she returned, the fun started…..

What she handed to me was a small bottle of Revlon Facial Foundation in a light sandy colour. Well, I was rolling on the floor. I couldn’t talk, tears were streaming down my face and my sides hurt like hell.

When I could eventually talk, I explained the reason for my hysteria to my mom. “This is facial make up,” I explained.

My mom’s eyes became the size of saucers, and she proclaimed, “Oh good God, what would I want to put that s**t on my face for?”

Well, this moment will live long in my memory. My mom is a fine old lady that has done so much for me in my life, and while it is hard to deal with what is going on around me, it is our ability to laugh that makes it bearable some days. I hate to think about the reality of it all, but they say it is the good things in life you remember the longest. In this instance I know that this is true.

We will all face hardship and difficult times at some point in our lives, but even in the darkness, there are days that are good days.

Thought for today – “While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.” – Angela Schwindt

Song for today – Mama I Love You by the Spice Girls

You Get Out Of It What You Bother To Put In

It is a basic principle of life really. Whatever effort you put into something is what you reap in reward. There are a million different sayings that reflect it, its something we are taught to understand from a young age, and it is a lesson in life that we put into practice every single day we wake up.

Yet we never seem to do it quite well enough!

How often do we put everything we have into everything that we do? If we did, we’d be physically exhausted by the end of the day, but then again I can’t help but wonder if this lack of enthusiasm is part of our downfall as a race. See I reckon that man can evolve in reverse as well as evolve for the better. It would only stand to reason that we could devolve as a result of some of the advancements that mankind have made in our lives.

I mean think about the car. It is a magnificent marvel of engineering yes, and god there are some amazingly beautiful models of car out there (personally I am rather fixated with the new, BMW 2012 Alpina B7. OMG sex on wheels!!!) but while it is a marvel of human ingenuity it stopped us from walking. When I moved to the UK I didn’t have enough money to have a car for the first two years. I learnt to rely on public transport and my two pins. I don’t think I’d ever walked so much in my life, but I was fit, healthy and loved it. Now I got a car, I’ve been able to travel to some amazing places, see some wonderful things, have the freedom to do what I want when I want, but I don’t walk anymore. 

It’s the same with food. KFC. Jeesh I got a massive soft spot of the Colonel’s Chicken. But what with microwave meals, tinned food, pre cooked this, and ready made that, that fine tradition of growing what we eat, eating what we need, and enjoying all of it has kind of withered away. Fresh fruit salad! When was the last time I had a proper real fresh fruit salad. Yeah, I might have one now that has one or two fresh fruits in it, but so much of it is tinned. The last time I personally prepared a fully fresh fruit salad if I am totally honest was over 13 years ago in Africa, and that reality is pretty damn sad! 

Once upon a time we built pyramids to honour our royalty. Now we build fountains that don’t work properly and are shrouded in controversy. The amazing thing was we built them without cranes and massive earth moving machinery. You gotta ask yourself, could we do the same thing today? Maybe if we had all those slaves and people to work on it ey! The sad reality lies I believe in that building a pyramid would be seen as far too much effort for securing the after life of some king or queen.

From the top going down, society has changed. Of course there is nothing wrong with that, and it is only fair to expect people to change as things have gotten easier, as man kind have made discovery after discovery to improve our lives and our understanding of the world we live in, but I cannot help but ponder if all this development is in man’s best interest.

Our planet has just gone over the 7 billion people mark. Over 100 thousand people will die in the world today, but over 300 thousand will be born. This year already we’ve lost 2,7 million hectares of green forest world wide, and we have 15,122 days left until the world runs out of oil. (source Worldometers) Is all the knowledge we gain the knowledge we really need? Does the interest of our planet really lie at the heart of our hunger for knowledge?

It is a humbling thought. When I look at the Worldometers page, it brings home in very real terms how little we have, and how foolishly we squander it. Maybe our greed or selfishness outstrips our design for life. We love our lives of luxury, don’t get me wrong, I am just as guilty of this as anyone else. I love my computers, and my electric fan, the car in my drive, and a mircowave meal when I’m too lazy too cook. I read about a community over the weekend who have decided to forsake the comforts of the world, and live what they describe as an organic lifestyle, surviving off the land in every way possible. I was kind of jealous of them in a way, but I don’t think i’d survive without my internet connection or laptop.

There is a movie out at the moment called 7 Days in Havana. Josh Hutcherson stars in it. I was trying to find out a bit about the movie, and watched an interview he did about the movie. In the interview he says that while he was on location in Havana he met with people who had so little in life, were so poor compared with standards he was accustomed too, and yet were so alive, vibrant and happy. It kind of struck me. We have all these things in our lives, yet are not content. If I asked myself, “Are You Happy”, I’d have to say no.

Maybe we’ve lost touch with reality. No, maybe I’ve lost touch with reality. Which brings me back to my original thought. We get out of life what we put into it. Maybe I’m putting emphasis on things that are not important, giving attention to stuff that could be put on the back burner, and not really putting enough into the things that bring happiness, contentment and fulfilment.

For the last few days I’ve struggled with paying attention to stuff. I’ve been mad at life and mad at the world. For various reasons, and stuff going on in my own mind, and its affected me, but I’ve come to the conclusion that you can either sit down and let life whip you, or you can get back up and give it everything and try make it. After all, like I said, you only get out of it what you put in.

Thought for today – “A man sooner or later discovers that he is the master gardener of his soul, the director of his life.” – James Allen

Song for today – I Won’t Give Up by Jason Mraz  

Too Cute? – The Poll No 1 – Dogs

We all love to see a picture of something cute. It puts a smile on our face immediately and makes us feel all warm and fluffy inside. Part of our human nature is to feel endeared and protective towards something that we cute and cuddly. From a very young age I can remember seeing a cute animal and wanting to take care of it. The same goes for adults and young children.

Over the next few posts I’m going to profile a set of pictures of various young animals that I have thought portray the essence of cuteness. The challenge for you then is to select one of the five pictures displayed and vote for it on the Poll at the bottom of the post. I’m interested to see which one comes out as the cutest of the lot. 🙂

So go on, what are you waiting for? Get choosing…

Pup 1

Pup 2

Pup 3

Pup 4

Pup 5

Vote for your favorite

Please refer this post on to friends and family to vote. Thanks 🙂

A Visual Documentation of the Horrors of War on our Youth

Seeing the Horrors of War - Picture by Wivelrod

I watched 5 Days of War today, and while i was watching a portrayal of the war in Georgia unfold, I was struck by a powerful emotion of sadness as I watched the soldiers stories unfold in the film.

You know, how often do we stop and think about the soldiers? We scream and shout about the innocent that are killed and wounded, we complain about the costs of war in terms of lives and public capital, we grieve for the dead, but do we ever really pause to give thought to the effects of sending young men, who have chosen to serve their nation, to a battle zone of pain, loss and destruction? How often do we stop to think about the changes that our youth undergo in war? Do we give enough thought to the nightmare that goes with having to adjust mentally and sometimes physically to life as normal on their return?

We train these boys to become killing machines, send them into a war zone where survival becomes an instinct, criticise the work they do,  print horrific stories detailing the horrors of war perpetrated often by all sides in the conflict, pay them a pittance for doing this service and when they return conveniently forget about them. Who tells their story? Who takes the time to help them heal the wounds, repair the metal damage they suffer? Who helps them deal with the emotions, memories and nightmares they have learnt to bury?

Do we even really see the effect of war on our young generation of service men and women?

In thinking about this I went hunting online, looking for people that work with soldiers suffering from the trauma of war. In my hunt I came across the work of a young photographer in  the Netherlands called Claire Felicie. She undertook to work with a group of young marines from the 13th Infantry Company of the Royal Netherlands Marine Corps during their posting to Afghanistan in 2009/10. In her portrayal of these men, she took close up portrait pictures of the service men before, during and after their deployment to Uruzgan in Afghanistan.

These pictures are set out in haunting triptychs that clearly and emphatically highlight the effects of conflict on our precious youth. You cannot help but look at these pictures and feel moved. Maybe, just maybe, its time that we should stop and give prolonged consideration to the damage we do to these boys and girls when we send them to war. Perhaps its time to give these brave and dedicated service personnel the real support, credit and recognition they deserve. Maybe its time to think about the lives we break, damage and shatter to protect interests that really aren’t that important in the bigger scheme of things. Look at these pictures and tell me that these boys don’t deserve better!

Nicky

Sjoerd

Remon

Arnold

Pascal

Emiel

It is Finished

I saw a Tweet on Twitter this afternoon that got me to thinking. The Tweet from a guy called Scott Hurst said, “Refusing to just accept certain premises ‘on faith’ doesn’t make me closed minded, it makes me rational.”

I know that for many of us, religion and the subject of God is a taboo. I find that in our modern society, especially here in the United Kingdom that there are a lot of people who are almost violently opposed to any form of religious teaching, and proudly declare themselves atheist.

In many ways, I find that I can’t really blame them for their determined stance against all things biblical. You only have to look at British history to see how the effects of hundreds of years of subjugation under the power of the church, first the Roman Catholic religious movement under the Pope, and then under the emergence of the Church of England, to realise that the church is largely to blame for much of the pain and suffering of the poorer classes that has led to the bitterness of the British people.

Man has an inherent ability to learn to avoid danger and to steer clear of the things that we have learnt to perceive as detrimental to our survival. This is part of our makeup as the human race, to learn, develop and enhance our existence, through avoiding those things that bring about pain and suffering.

One only has to look at how religion has been at the root of much of the human conflict over the last 2000 years to realise that religion and the church carry a very bad name. In any other situation, we would be publicly calling for the removal and destruction of the organisation which had caused so much loss and destruction, but the aura of a supernatural being seems to act in itself as a deterrent that stops people from publicly denouncing the church en masse.

When it comes to religion and the church I am possibly not the best person to preach. I do not accept that religion is the path to salvation, nor do I consider every church to be the house of god. The simple truth is that man has taken the gospel of Christ and distorted, twisted and interpreted it to mean anything he chooses.

I have myself fallen pray of the judgement of man through sin as a member of the church, and the experience left a sour taste in my mouth and a painful memory in my mind. I personally struggle with any number of things that could be seen by religion as idols of the flesh or wicked ways. I do not walk a path that could be described as righteous or virtuous. I am not what the world has come to expect to see as a Christian believer.

Yet, as much as my failings may be used to highlight my ways, they do not define me. For me, my personal relationship with God is the foundation of my belief. I do not believe that any church or religion defines my salvation, nor do they enhance my spirituality. I am not walking a path of righteousness nor can I be called pure of mind and spirit just because I go into a sanctuary where man believes God resides.

My salvation is alive within me. It accepts my failings and covers my sin through my repentance and acceptance through faith that my saviour died on a cross for the absolution of my sin. I do not need to stand in a line to receive Holy Communion to feel close to my God. I do not have to partake in the works of an organisation to be able to spread the word of my Lord.

As I see it, it is fellowship with mankind that gives me strength. To me, my God lives within me, and all around me. He is not confined to the walls of a cathedral. In this modern day and age there are any number of ways of accessing the teachings of the gospel. There are a variety of channels that offer prayer, support and encouragement without having to engage in meaningless ritual in the guise of some religion.

Yes, there are exceptions to the rule. There are churches today that are built on the word of God and move with the Spirit as it guides them. But this is the sad reality; these kinds of places of worship are the exception to the rule and not the corner stone of reality.

Let me make it clear that I do not hold the hypocrisy of man or the failings of the church to be the fault of my God. We choose freely to become part of an autocratic system of religion. We loose sight of the grace of God and become fixated with the interpretation of scripture as a measure of our own will. We judge and dispense discipline as men. We fail to grasp the truth of the word, and get lost in the translation of it, and it is for this reason that the fault lies squarely at our feet, and not at those of my Lord.

Jesus did not need a majestic temple to teach from. He did not selectively choose whom he taught. He did not dictate a lifestyle, nor did he use rituals to bless those whose lives he touched. He taught that from the teacher down to the beggar we are all equal as sinners. He challenged us to overcome our nature of judgement, and embrace each other as brothers and sisters. He taught that salvation came through Grace of God and faith in the absolution received from the blood of Christ, not through the symbol of the cross. He led by example, sacrificing himself for those he loved, forgiving them even in his moment of despair and weakness for the transgressions against him.

It is this that gives me my salvation. It is my personal relationship with my God that determines my righteousness. It is the realisation of the fact that the crimes of the men and women in the church is not the representation of the God I serve that allows me to see beyond the hurt of my experience and maintain my belief that my God reigns. It is the ability to trust with a blind faith that allows me the strength to forgive those that have hurt me.

I do not harbour any hate towards the people that inflicted those wounds on me. Through the grace I enjoy every day, despite my failings, despite my shortcomings that has taught me that I do not need the church to have salvation. My focus is on my God not on my church.

Yes, I can understand why it is common to find people opposed to religion. I can relate to why people want to stay away from the church, or avoid the pomp and ceremony that is associated with worship today. However, as much as you may try to hide from religion, you cannot hide from God. You may revel in your identity as an atheist, but the truth is that it is only you that you hurt, not the church.

The money, wealth and power of religion cannot buy a place in heaven. Your avoidance of the truth does not make you wiser or more rational as Scott Hurst from Twitter would like to believe. It is your one on one relationship with your Lord that gives you salvation. Burying your head in the sand as a result of your opinion of the church, religion and the actions of mankind is only cutting off your nose to spite your face.

The truth is in the scripture. It is in the word of God that we can learn the difference between ritual and religion and faith and the Grace of God. Being a believer is no easier than learning to read or write. Blind faith is not a natural virtue but something we have to learn and work at. Having a relationship with someone we can neither see nor hear is complex and challenging. No one said that salvation was easy, but then tell me which relationship in life is easy! Do you not have to work daily on your relationships with your partners, friends, colleagues or acquaintances? Does love not take effort and dedication? Why then should it be any different for your relationship with God?

No, it is easy to find fault. It is simple to point a finger. We can hide behind whatever excuse we choose and I speak from experience for this is something I do myself. But it is senseless to choose destruction when I have been given the knowledge and freedom to choose life. I encourage you to take a step backward and look again. Challenge your perception of God, and seek the truth. Avoid finding fault or seeking someone to blame. Mankind are all as weak and corruptible as you or me. We are far from perfect and our actions through history should not be the consideration on which to base your decision.

Watch the two video’s I include with this blog and open your heart, your mind and your ears to the word. Search and you will find, Seek and you will see, listen and you will hear. Not everyone will have the same relationship with God and that does not make you any more or less significant to God. Remember it is your relationship with God and not how man views you in their eyes that counts. Do not allow religion or mistrust to prevent your salvation. Do not allow your chance to have a personal relationship with our saviour to be damaged by the distorted interpretation and views of mankind. Reach out and have faith, he is waiting for you to come home. Consider yourself challenged!

Other Reading

The Acts 29 Network

Ordinary Pastor

The Buzzard Blog

Life Vest Inside. Pay it forward.

Every once in a while you come across something very special. This video is such a wonderful expression of all the things that make us human, and its when I watch something like this that I’m proud to be a human being.

Please watch the clip and pass it along. Passing along a smile is a part of our humanity and taking a moment to stop and think about the things we do for each other is when we overcome our selfishness and help to heal our world.

Looking for the New Winning Formula for Fundraising.

I was thinking to myself today as I considered the Queen’s coming Diamond Jubilee here in the UK, that out of the pomp and ceremony that we all see and experience, it is little known that as a result of the jubilee lots of small charitable organisations get to enjoy a pot of money that is set aside as a form of celebrating through giving.

It got me to thinking about the whole concept of giving. It is a conundrum that has been at the centre of much speculation by economists in recent years. What really drives us to give? Is it all about altruism and our desire to help others, or does it come out of our generosity and desire to feel good about ourselves? Or is there a social element to giving as Tim Harford would suggest on his blog looking at the impact of the recession on giving? He suggests that we give out of peer pressure, giving because we think that it’s what others expect of us.

While giving is at the very heart of charitable existence, you have to ask yourself the question “What is in it for me?” If we didn’t ask these questions, we wouldn’t be human. If you are giving for a feeling of satisfaction, then it is more probable that you will give again at some point in the future. If you are giving because you feel you are expected to, you may well be more begrudging to give again.

Sally Strove makes an interesting point on her blog when she says that all too often we lose sight of the delicate moral balance between giving and receiving. She uses the example of a business faced with the choice of tax benefits through its charitable contributions, and asks the question are we giving for all the wrong reasons? Has “What do I get out of it?”, become all too important to us as a precursor to our giving?

In her blog Sally pointed me in the direction of the Maimonides Ladder of Charity, a doctrine of giving penned by a 12th century Jewish scholar. This ladder sets out eight rungs of the ladder of giving, starting at the lowest rung and working its way up to the purest form of giving. The eight rungs are listed below.

1. The Lowest – Giving begrudgingly and making the recipient feel disgraced or embarrassed.
2. Giving cheerfully but giving too little.
3. Giving cheerfully and adequately but only after being asked.
4. Giving before being asked.
5. Giving when you do not know who is the individual benefiting, but the recipient knows your identity.
6. Giving when you know who is the individual benefiting, but the recipient does not know your identity.
7. Giving when neither the donor nor the recipient is aware of the other’s identity.
8.  The Highest – Giving money, a loan, your time or whatever else it takes to enable an individual to be self-reliant.

Imagine a world where we all consciously reached at a minimum of rung four on the ladder, and strove to achieve rung eight more consistently. How much more would the charitable community be able to achieve if we prompted ourselves to give more frequently without being asked to give.

Many charities survive through a sustained giving program supported by people who agree to pay a certain amount each month in support of the objectives of the charity. But is this model sustainable moving into the 21st Century as we face more challenging times? Can we really rely on this system of constantly presenting our begging bowl, prompting people to donate?

The challenge I guess therefore lies in getting the donor community to think about giving more constructively. What does this mean for the charitable sector, and how do we work towards ensuring that we have a sustainable source of financial income through empowering the community that support us into thinking more about what we achieve together as a community through their charitable giving. Ultimately we should be considering what the overall impact of our efforts is achieving not only as a giver, but as an organisation.

When times are good and donations are high, it is easy to fall into the trap of simply getting the job done. Yet time and time again, we find ourselves coming back to the problem at hand. Take for example the efforts of Live Aid. In the 1980’s the world came to the aid of the Horn of Africa with the best of intentions. Yet in 2011 we are once again back to a situation of televised appeals to finance another food aid program to the Horn of Africa?

In Oman, a region considered to be Water Scarce the government has invested US$52 million into a project designed to tap ground reservoirs fed by a desalination facility in Barka to provide water to millions of residents in the Dakhliyah region. Through the creation of jobs and the long term supply of water Oman has undertaken to secure the future of a region of its nation desperately needing water to develop. Is this not the same situation that befalls the Horn of Africa? You have to wonder how after raising over £150 million pounds through the Live Aid program in 1985, a proportion of the money was not set aside to secure the water future of the African nations in the Horn of Africa. It was too easy to meet the need of the people at the time without seeking to reach the eighth rung of Maimonides’ ladder and empower the African people with the tool, skills and equipment to do it for themselves.

So this is the challenge. How do we as the 3rd Sector community seeking to serve the people our organisation helps, actively encourage more proactive giving. Personally I believe that it is key to our future to develop a personal relationship with our donors and work towards involving them in the work that we undertake as an organisation. The benefits from this approach are multiple, and bring us back to that original focus about feeling good about what we give.

I agree totally with Sally when she says that the “Pay it Forward” concept of giving is a powerful tool in the quiver of the third sector. Working within the private sector to establish a corporate giving culture within the work place is a logical and effective way of securing a financial income. Gaining accreditation from a corporate body can often open the door to hundreds of employees who get the opportunity to collectively give as part of a program of giving designed to stimulate and encourage team spirit within the organisation, any donations being put forward by the staff being met pound for pound by the firm itself. This becomes a win-win situation for everyone involved. The charity gets a steady stream of income, the staff feel good about their contribution, and build a spirit of unity within their workplace, and the organisation get tax relief from their “Pay it Forward” contributions to the charity.

Another profound idea is to involve those people who donate to your cause more creatively. Everyone loves to have something to do for their community, society or to help something that they feel passionately about. People want to feel accepted and part of their community. Dale Carnegie hit the nail on the head in his book ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People.’ We love to feel important, and understanding that in giving people are looking to feel good about themselves, expanding on that concept by inviting a donor to become more involved with your organisation will open the door to a whole new world of opportunity for your organisation.

Not everybody will agree to this, and careful management of the program is well worth preparing before launching your campaign, but it is the ability to think outside the box and will excite and encourage people to buy into your vision and support your cause more enthusiastically.

I encourage you to read the blogs linked within this post and take time to reflect for a moment about the importance of understanding giving completely before committing yourself or your organisation to a designated fundraising strategy. Bear in mind that in these difficult times, money is something that no one really wants to part with, but while we are all counting the pennies, feeling good about ourselves, and a desire to want to help others is an essential part of our humanity. Managing this desire effectively is important to us as a society, but more significantly to our survival as a 3rd Sector community.

Additional recommended reading: f you question motivations for giving, whether those motivations belong to you or someone else, you are not alone. For a look into the process that led Hubber RTalloni to a personal philosophy of and commitment to giving, read The Definition of Charitable Work.

The 45 Most Powerful Images of 2011

Claudio Santana/AFP/Getty Images

I noticed a link posted on Facebook by my niece to bussfeed.com this afternoon. The link took me to a page titled the 45 Most Powerful Images of 2011. To be honest there were some amazing pictures on display, most of them provided through Reuters, presumably having been provided throughout the year by their freelance photographers for various news items.

While I was scrolling through the pictures, admiring the handy work and skill of some of the photographers, there were a few that stuck out to me more than most. The most impressive image in my opinion was image number 18, a picture of the eruption of a volcano erupting in Chile. The Puyehue Volcano which erupted in June 2011 caused the mass evacuation of 3000 people and the disruption of air traffic through much of the region after throwing a plume of dust 6 miles into the atmosphere. The Atlantic coverage from the 6^th June 2011 has some of the most amazing photographic images of the eruption, and I recommend following this link and taking a moment to reflect on the power of nature in some truly amazing images.

Image number 12 on the list is a photograph submitted by @NevineZaki

on Twitter of protesters in Egypt. The significance of this picture falls in the fact that the image portrays Christian Egyptians forming a ring of protection around Muslims at prayer in Tahrir Square in Egypt. I was struck at the moment of national unity, when people of all walks of life, every religion, tribe, creed and sex, could come together and for a moment in time see beyond their differences. The image captured the imagination of the world and proved that when we really want to, human beings can live side by side in tolerance and acceptance. In adversity comes unity and unity is a powerful thing. The uprising in Egypt is a defining moment in our time. A moment that people came together to remind their leaders that they are not untouchable. The Arab spring has been remarkable to watch, and a source of hope that eventually one day the greater African population might take heart and learn that when we work together to overcome adversity, anything is possible.

Image number 38 was possibly the most disturbing image of the lot to me. The picture is one of such irony as it pictures a representative of an International Aid Agency in a smart suite holding an iPad taking a picture of the corpse of some African farmers livestock in a barren, desolate field. I am sure that the image was meant to visually demonstrate the effects of the famine in the Horn of Africa, but to me it just demonstrated the stark divide between the wealthy and the poor. It is the job of a professional photographer to produce an image that will evoke a multitude of emotions within the people who look at it, and in this case Stringer who is accredited with the picture has certainly achieved this. I was left with a sour taste in my mouth, thinking to myself that the owner of that animal could probably survive for a year on the amount of money that the Aid Worker has spent on his expensive suite and the technology that he was holding, yet he is more interested in acquiring a picture of a corpse to use for their next advertising campaign. This world is made up of contrast of madness and greed. The poor get poorer and the rich live in a world of copious consumerism and waste.

There are 45 fantastic images of all manner of subjects. Most of them were moments that stopped our world and dominated the headlines in one way or another. Many depict the human cost of tragedy and give a face to the pain of loss. But the last image, image number 45 is perhaps the one single image from which I draw hope. The image is well worth a look, and tell me if you don’t agree that through the eye of children, there is little wrong with our world. Life is full of hope, and fun and excitement and opportunity. If only as we got older we could maintain the optimism of youth a little more, we’d have a far more positive and productive society. This final image leaves you wondering if we can’t be a little more like the boy in the picture, and see good even in the heart of a war zone.