Thought For You

For me personally, the last two weeks have been a quietly controlled spell of manic activity in the bigger scheme of things. For a while, I have been locked down in a world of woe, wondering what tomorrow will hold and when the inevitable is going to happen.

It is never a pleasant feeling, knowing that you are headed for a world of pain, and there is nothing that you can do to avoid it, side step it, or even really prepare yourself for it. These are facts of life, nature in all of its cruel splendour, the things we have no control over, pain, sadness and sorrow that there is no words for, no proper way to describe, no real effective means of communication.

What is lovely about being busy is the fact that my mind has little time to ponder these circumstances. I have thrived over the last two weeks, not only from the personal fulfilment of a long time desire, but also from the satisfaction of feeling productive, needed, back in control of something. It may sound stupid, but being able to make decisions, being allowed to make a contribution, being involved as a working part of the dynamic is a strangely rewarding and liberating feeling.

In some ways I am ashamed to admit these words. Regret that I feel this way. Feel bad that I like to feel alive and part of something that I can influence, control and manage. The feelings of uselessness are abated  the frustration of having to sit and watch, unable to change the course of nature is soul destroying and only depresses the mind, body and spirit. There is only so much that one person can handle, and when we are faced with things we cannot affect, we are not only completely out of control of destiny, but also out of control of our feelings and abilities to deal with what is happening around us, this is when we find ourselves at our lowest. This is when we are vulnerable, exposed, out of our comfort zone, alone!

I know what tomorrow holds for me. Maybe not in the physical sense of tomorrow, the day after today, but I know what is coming in my near future, and as I struggle to prepare myself for this eventuality  I have begun to realise that I am totally incapable of preparing myself. I do not have the skills or the experience to know how I am going to handle the things I will have to face. I know not, where I will find the strength to do the things I will have to do. I cannot begin to plan for it, do not want to face it, cannot accept that it is necessary.

Yet, this is my lot. This is the reality of my situation, and so be it. I begin to understand too, that while I am not in a place or frame of mind to really be able to cope with these things, I am in some ways starting to plan for these times. While focusing my mind on things to keep my busy right now is in keeping with my trend of burying my head in the sand and pretending I do not have to deal with these things, in so many ways the things I am engaging in right now are the foundations of my preparation for life beyond my current situation in life.

Networks and friendships I am forging with people who understand, care, love without condition and share without expectation are the corner blocks of setting up a life line, a safety cord that I can reach out and hold in the dark times ahead. There is a sense of relief in knowing that someone, anyone will be there. Loneliness is a curse that no one wishes to meet. It is one that far too many of us live with, accept and embrace. It is a bitter pill that swallows us! I don’t want to feel alone, and I know that you don’t want to feel its embrace either, so when a simple post card drops through my letter box, the person that took the time to write it can never know how special the words scrawled across the white surface mean to me.

When a short and simple message pops up in my message box saying here is a random hug for you, on a day I was just thinking about you, the writer of that message can never truly know how much the words enclosed in that missive sent through the marvel of the internet really means to me.

The cheerful banter in a chat room, the laughs we share on skype… The stories that I manage to get lost in, the encouragement through comments, feedback, conversation….. It all adds up. And I don’t think we really give full credit to the power of these simple actions we undertake on a day to day basis. You are reading this thinking, “heck, maybe he is right,” or maybe you are not, but did you stop and realise while you are reading this, just how special YOU really are?

No? Well take it from me, in my eyes each one of you that make the effort to be a friend are so much more than you allow yourself credit for. It is people like you that make the world spin. You give life meaning, bring a sense of purpose to survival, and without realising it give value to the things, relationships, actions we each undertake, that we become a part of, that we live for daily.

Those things that have kept me busy for the last two weeks, gave me cause to sit and think to myself today while I was working. Yes they kept me active, they thrilled me and involved me and made me feel productive and useful. However, they also gave me a reason to reflect on how much I value the contact that I have with people. People like you reading. Many of you will interact with me in some way, simple and brief as it is, it is appreciated  You may be reading and have never spoken with me before, yet what I say rings true in your own mind, and mirrors itself on your own experiences. Who knows, maybe in reading this blog you will for the first time reach out and say hello, to me or someone else important.

Whatever it is that prompts us to take an action, make an effort, touch a life, it is our humanity and our need to be seen and to feel needed and wanted and accepted that allows each and every one of us to add value to each others lives. I am much like you, much like the person next to you, much others dotted in over 7 billion places across this globe of ours. We are all essentially the same, thoughtful, vulnerable, curious, mysterious, unique, interesting, judgemental….

I could carry on using words into eternity  but at the bottom line of things, we all have to accept that we are no better than the richest or the poorest, the most arrogant or most humble, most knowledgeable or most severely disabled among us. I am NO better than you because of what I do or who I am, and the same goes for you. When we overcome this perception of ourselves and our fellow man, maybe we can begin to understand how special we are, and what level of potential each of us holds. We can change the world by touching people, we can reach out and fill that void of loneliness, fear and pending hurt. We can all make a difference to someone’s life, circumstances and sense of self worth, and is that not something worth trying to do?

For today, I am grateful that I have reached out here, and made friends. Friendships that I treasure, relationships that grow with every day. I say this kind of thing often, and will continue to do so, as I really do believe the things I have said before, right now, and will say in my future are true, important and real. You are Special, today, tomorrow, forever.

Thought for today – “Butterflies do not know the colour of their wings, but human eyes marvel at their beauty. Likewise you cannot see how good you are, but others see and know that you are special.” Author Unknown

Song for today – Feeling the Moment by Feeder

What defines Love?

There is one thing in each of our lives that affects us in some fashion regardless of how we might try to avoid it, fail to understand it, or seek to find it.

It can be illusive, it can be mystifying, it can be frustrating, it can creep up on you unexpected. It amazes us, it brings us great happiness and unbearable heart ache. This wonderful, powerful, thing is not a person, it’s not physical, it’s certainly not something you’ll see or meet, yet it lives in each of us, can be very physically expressed, and you see it on peoples faces every day and meet it every time you find two people in love.

Love. Only four letters. Such a simple word, but one of the most complex emotions know to man. It is something we all crave, something we need, a feeling we require almost as much as we need food or water to live.

Yet as much as we need it, it is not something common to find. It is something we mistake too easily, a feeling we share too freely, an emotion we abuse, take for granted and lose far too much. It’s something that when we have it we are blissfully happily, and when we find ourselves without it experience feelings of loneliness that makes life quite unbearable.

What is it about love that makes it such a domineering emotion for mankind? Why do we need it so?

I think if we were all to list our personal reason for its importance in our lives, it would be interesting to see the different levels that love impacts our lives on every level. I also think that we’d do well to see the variety of reasons that we present for its importance as part of the reason for its complexity. You see, everyone views love through different eyes. We all have different expectations, our needs, insecurities, dependencies, curios traits, funny habits and a whole list of other factors of each persons personality that makes love one of the biggest things of our lives.

Some would say that you only have one shot at true love. Others would argue that you can find love anywhere if you look hard enough. I believe that a lot of people hide behind the word for a variety of selfish reasons. Some will tell you that real love arrives when you find your soul mate, and yet more would try convince you that love is all about learning to love.

But what is it about love? I mean come on…. What is all the fuss about?

The truth? We are not designed to survive without it. A human man, a woman, a child…. We cannot survive without love.

As a child we learn love through the expression of those around us. Mainly from our parents, but in some cases from others that show us time, care about us, and makes us feel warm, safe and special. We learn to feel comfortable in love. It brings us happiness, acceptance, safety, companionship and possibly most importantly gives us a sense of identity. Knowing someone cares that much for us kindles a fire within us. It’s these feelings that drive us. We all want to feel them at every level of our lives, especially from our peers, from our friends, from the people we like, the people we choose to spend time with. Without these feelings where would we be?

Love can be expressed in many ways, but which ever way we receive it, there is something about it that is special for each one of us, and these are the feelings we crave the most. So next time your thinking about love, just stop and ask yourself what it is that makes love special for you. I think you’ll find it’s not an easy question to answer, but taking a moment to try understand it gives us a completely new appreciation for it.

Thought for today – “You can close your eyes to the things you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to the things you don’t want to feel.” – Johnny Depp

Song for today – Caribbean Blue by Enya

Feel Loved – A Message For You Today.

How many times a day are you told that your special?

You know something, its not something we share with people very much. We pass each other, often as silent ships sailing through the night, never stopping to say how much we care, not taking the time to make our feelings known.

For most of us putting into words things that are difficult to utter is not easy. We are naturally shy creatures, wrapped up in learning to survive, understanding emotion, feelings, and striving to heal life’s hurts, and hide the scars.

It’s easy to keep our most private thoughts hidden. It’s too common to say nothing and regret later the things we never got to say.

So this day, if you have chosen to read this, please hear me say…. You may never speak to me. You may never know me. You may not hear me say these words, but they are true. They are from my heart, and they are just for you.

YOU  ARE  SPECIAL.  YOU  ARE  LOVED.   YOU  ARE  NEEDED.

Song for today – Welcome Home by Radical Face

You Carry Other Peoples Self Confidence in Your Hands. Be Careful With It.

Why are human beings so cruel to each other? What possesses us to inflict such ugly emotional wounds on one another for no other reason than to feel better about ourselves? Yet when we think about it, the reality is that we don’t feel any better about ourselves by seeing someone we care about hurting. Is it not the truth that in seeing them in pain as a result of our own selfish need for satisfaction leaves us feeling unfulfilled and guilty?

I know that frequently I have fallen short of the mark myself, and used the cutting edge of my tongue to whip lash someone that has angered or insulted me. It is something that all too often we do without thinking first of the damage that our words might cause, or the final effects of the sentiment we meant during our verbal assassination of someone. So if it is something that even I do, what is it that causes us to be so senseless about each other feelings?

I think that in the first instance we are vulnerable to allowing people that we believe we can trust in too quickly to the thoughts and feelings that we hold dear and cherish, and in choosing to trust someone with these intimate details about ourselves, we expose ourselves to the risk of being let down by people that are just as human as ourselves, and capable of using the information they hold in their hands to cut and tear us apart.

I also believe that we are quick to place expectations on people. It is easy to expect to be treated in the same manor as you treat someone; however, this is not a concept that is easily learnt by our modern society. We are far too prone to think first for ourselves as our survival instinct kicks in and causes us to protect ourselves at the mercy of anyone that gives us a slight edge.

Relationships are complex and tricky things at the best of times. When you throw the big five emotions of happiness, trust, fear, anticipation and love, that relationships with friends, partners and family can go very very wrong. I believe it is critically important to understand the power of certain emotions, and when we truly understand the reasons behind our emotions, we can begin to get to grips with our true feelings.

Feelings are the result of emotions. For example the emotion of happiness or joy will lead to feelings of affection, optimism, gratefulness and contentment. On the flipside of that coin, the emotion of Anger would cause feelings of disappointment, aggressiveness, rage and exasperation.  These are certainly not a comprehensive list of feelings associated with emotions, just examples of the types of feelings that we can associate with our emotions, and in so doing, we gain a clearer picture of the processes going on in our head.

I have always found that in situations of high emotion it is always best to bite your tongue and think things through before deciding on what to say, how to say it and when it should be said. Words are very powerful things and we can break someone’s self confidence simply by choosing to condemn them at a time of vulnerability.

I was recently faced with a difficult situation of complex emotions and a difficult set of circumstances that caused me a significant amount of stress. In dealing with the situation I sit here now and can clearly trace a line of emotions starting from Anger, ranging through Disappointment, Surprise, Fear, Disgust  and ending in sadness. However, this did not give me reason or cause to set out on a vendetta against the individuals that caused me so much grief. It was left to me to be more careful and seek to understand. Yes I had perfect cause to feel angry and saddened at being let down by people I trusted so, and I could easily have cast them aside and condemned them. I could have spoken out in harsh terms and further humiliated people that were already feeling low through the guilt of knowing they had let down a multitude of people. However what would that have achieved? Would I have found myself any better off? Would I have been able to change my own circumstances through belittling another person? No, truth be told it was more beneficial to me to be understanding and try to forgive. In so doing I retained two friendships that I regard with some importance, and was able to use the circumstances to teach my friends a lesson in respect and trust. I didn’t shy away from letting them know they’d disappointed me. I didn’t resist from telling them they were way out of line in thinking they could treat me in such a way and get away with it, but I also explained that despite the fact they’d hurt me, I didn’t hate them.

That does not make me a saint. It just shows what I mean when I say take time to understand your emotions and have control of your feelings before you open your mouth. I’ve watched recently as a husband and wife have torn each other to shreds through speaking before thinking. It is so easy to jump to conclusions and get things wrong, and when we do, we find that our actions can infact be the very thing that discredits us in the long run. We are quick to launch out with a barrage of words and ideas, very often seeking for sympathy or looking to try feel better, but when the day draws to an end we find ourselves alone, hurting and feeling estranged through our own actions. This is not conducive to trying to sort out a situation.

Ultimately we need to learn respect. Respect for each other, respect for ourselves and respeact for each others feelings and emotions. We are human beings. Not one of us is perfect in any way, and we should therefore be slow to anger and quick to understand. This is biblical and I am certain that the Bible teaches us good from bad to help us avoid these times of hurt and disappointment in life.

People with understanding control their anger, yet a hot temper shows great foolishness. Let us not be called fools, but stay strong and learn to understand each other. Let us strive to be better people, and reach out in compassion and love for each other. Let us learn to be loyal and trustworthy in our friendships and relationships. These are the things that will eventually bring us joy and happiness and fulfilment in life.