Out of the Mouths of Babes

Sometimes in these days of ASBO’s and youths in hoodies, we forget the humble innocence of childhood, and the precious comments that come out of children’s mouths. So I figured I’d put a few of my favourite quotes down for ya all to have a giggle at. What better way to start the day??? Enjoy.

It was Christmas time, and my son, 6, was learning the story of the Nativity. Who came to visit the baby Jesus in the manger? the teacher asked his Sunday School class. “The three wise guys,” my son blurted out. (I always wondered, Was he thinking of the Three Stooges?) — Diane Dew, Milw., Wis.

When my daughter, Brittany, was 4 or 5, she was having some “growing pains” in her legs and needed to take some Tylenol™. She had the bottle and was trying in vain to get it open while I changed her baby sister’s diaper. I saw her frustration and explained that it was a childproof cap and I would have to open it when I finished. Eyes wide with wonder, Brittany asked, “How does it know it’s me?”
— Barbie Buntz

My 2-year-old watched out the window as I was driving. Suddenly he got very upset, saying “Oh, they are really gonna get now! Oh, are they ever gonna get it now!” Seeing nothing remarkable happening outside, I asked my son, “Who’s gonna get it? What did they do?” Then, with all the seriousness of a 2-year-old, and pointing to the stream of vapor behind a plane in the sky, he explained, “The guy driving that plane up there! Look at that! He scratched the sky, everywhere he goes — and is God gonna ever be mad!”
— Diane Dew, Milw., Wis.

When Sara was 6, her new puppy became seriously ill, and the vet didn’t know if he could save it. I felt very bad for Sara, because this was her first pet and it had been a Christmas gift, so I said to her, “Don’t worry, precious; just remember, if Fluffy dies, we’ll see her in heaven.” Sara looked at me as if I were simple-minded and said, “Well, yes, Daddy, but heaven’s a long way off for me — I’m only six!” — Michael Huggins

My brother was placed in the remedial reading class in second grade. When my mom asked him how school was going one day, David replied, “I’m the smartest of the dumbest.” — Diane Dew, Milwaukee, Wis.

In the earlier days of television, before technology got sophisticated, network interruptions were more common. One day, when the black-and-white circular ‘bulls-eye’ symbol appeared on the screen with the words “Please Stand By,” my little sister went and stood by the TV set. After awhile, a family member asked what she was doing. A new reader, she proudly replied, “Following instructions. It said to please stand by it.” — Diane Dew, Milwaukee, Wis.

My husband has always had a beard. One day, he decided to shave it off. He came into the room where my 5-year-old daughter Samantha was and asked her, “Notice anything different?” To which she replied, “No” with a puzzled look on her face. My husband then said to her, “My beard’s gone.” Now the puzzled look disappeared and the innocent eyes appeared when she said “I didn’t take it!”
— Karen and Rich S., N.J.

When my daughter is trying to remember something, she says, “My head is trying to show it to me.”
— Jim Gore

One night I was babysitting my two grandchildren. We were out running errands and we decided to grab a bite to eat at home. Of course they wanted McDonalds which I don’t care for, so I also stopped at a fish place to pick me up a dinner. When we sat down to eat, the kids asked “what are those round things Nanna?” I said they are called “Hush Puppies”. So I gave them the hush puppies to eat from my meal. Later, when their mom arrived home, Cody ran to meet mom. She asked him what they had been doing. His response was ” We ate McDonalds and “Shut Up Dogs!” LYONSJANICE@ aol.com

One day my five year old informed me that she didn’t have to go to school to learn, because she could remember everything by talking a picture. She said she had a camera in her head she takes pictures with it to help her remember things. So I asked, “Then how is it you always seem to forget about picking up your toys?” She replied, “Sometimes I forget to put film in it.” — Vicky Barrons


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